Yeah, I am still doing that thing with the song lyrics. No, I won’t be more original.

 

I still have no idea what I am doing here. Mostly talking to myself, trying to sort my thoughts out. Anything else is collateral damage.

I haven’t decided if I am going to tell anyone about this or not.

 

If you are reading this, then I guess I did.

 

I have kept this domain for years with the intention of doing my journaling here. More years than I care to admit if I am being honest.

I have written many many things during those years but was never able to bring myself to share them. Honestly, that’s probably best for everyone.

 

Thanks to the whole global pandemic, the fact that I have basically been inside since March 2020, and the fact that my former therapist retired, I am finally putting words here because if I don’t put them somewhere besides my head I might lose what little sanity I have left.

 

So, where am I, where have I been?

 

It’s been a considerable number of years since LiveJournal and I am not much of the same person I was then. I went back to college, got a degree, got a job, all that fun grownup stuff.

Technically I went from being a mommy blogger to being a basketball blogger, and the irony there is not lost on me.

 

Too many things have been lost to recount, or that I want to recount. Lost my dad, lost our house, lost my mom. Lost friends and loved ones.

 

It probably seems like it has been too long and I should have long been done grieving these things, but I am not. Maybe I won’t ever be.

It’ll be ten years this year since I lost my dad, and let me tell you that garbage about how it gets easier is a damn lie. Sometimes it feels harder than ever.